Pretty sure Xian Gaza had already been friendzoned by Erich Gonzales

It’s another one of those really bizarre trending “issues” in the Philippines. Apparently the Pinoy Net is abuzz not over the recent Supreme Court affirmation of Duterte’s Mindanao Martial Law but around that other bigger issue of global consequence, a billboard put up by businessman Xian Gaza who is “CEO of Guanxiqian Group” according to his Instagram profile. The billboard, prominently on display in Morayta is addressed to actress Erich Gonzales. On an Instagram post exhibiting this photo, Gaza writes…

They say it’s first time in Philippine history.
I say: That’s how special you are to me.
@erichgg , will you drink coffee with me?

#PleaseSayYesErich
#CoffeeWithErich

Pretty bold. But hardly original and, considering the guy is not my type, to me rather creepy.

Will Erich Gonzales friendzone Xian Gaza? On the basis of what she said in a message to a certain Darla Sauler, I think she already did…

Hi Darls!!! 🙂 How are you? Hahaha!!! Ang cute ng effort ni Kuya. It’s fine. Let’s see when I get back. There’s nothing wrong naman if we talk over coffee, pero dapat kasama ka. Hahaha!!! See you soon Darls!

I dunno. If I were a guy and the girl of my dreams called me “Kuya”, I’d take that as not a very promising sign — more so considering she plans to take along a chaperone!

It gets me to thinking though. Why is it that certain pa cute works for some and doesn’t for others? Seeing all the flak Xian Gaza is getting all over social media, it seems obvious that his stunts don’t work. There’s also something to be said about the way he flaunts all the gifts he plans to give to Gonzales. I mean, dude get a grip! You’re coming on too strong!

There’s this thing called the Dobler Dahmer Theory which, according to the Urban Dictionary is…

A theory stating that if two people are into each other, a big romantic gesture works, but if one person isn’t into the other, the same gesture comes off serial killer crazy.

Dobler is the character Lloyd Dobler in the 1989 film Say Anything who, in a seminal scene, shows up with a boombox underneath his girlfriend’s bedroom window playing a song that they were listening to the first time they slept together. Jeffrey Lionel Dahmer, in contrast, is a serial killer who terrorised Wisconsin over the 1980s.

Kilig or creepozoid? It’s all relative.

There is also this case of an anonymous man who, back in 2013, put up 600 posters all over New York City in an effort to win back his ex-girlfriend. He documented the project in the now-defunct website ThisIsHowYouWinHerBack.com. At the time, the stunt also generated a lot of the same debate on social media. Some Netizens said they reacted with an Awwwwww…. But others also found the stunt absolutely messed up and downright creepy.

One thing to take note of, the NYC guy is anonymous and mysterious and the messages on his posters were all subtle. They seem to be inside jokes between him and his ex. In the case of Xian Gaza, he’s a very public flamboyant guy — which really does not sit well with crabby Filipinos who are quick to take issue with kayabangan.

See, there really is no science behind courtship. One formula works on one person but is a total flop with another. It seems, it just didn’t work for Gaza. One tweeted, “Pretty sure that if Xian Gaza had the face of a supermodel the number of these hate tweets will go down by at least half lfmao.” I try not to be facist (and often fail) so I thought twice about going there, but now that I did, I might as well admit that the guy who let out that tweet is right. Ultimately you gotta be a Brad Pitt to pull off a corny courtship stunt. And, please, unless you’re a rock star, don’t think you’ll have me by pulling out a guitar and singing me a ballad. Rock stars get their money for nothin’ and their chicks for free — coz they’ve got talent.