The topic of the Filipino “inferiority complex” has been mentioned by many as a core cause of Philippine society’s backwardness. Many writing about it would call it a legacy of the colonizers, who supposedly implanted this belief in us to make sure we don’t advance as a society. I have a different idea.
My mom told me about when she spoke before residents of the Payatas dump site as part of a church outreach program. The topic of her talk was, now that the dump site was being removed, the residents will have to work and not depend on dole-outs. She said that many of the Payatas residents were willing to do this. But she mentioned the younger generation were implanted with the inferiority complex. These younglings were shouted at with things like “wala kang kwenta (you’re useless)” and other demeaning words by their parents and elders.
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When I heard this, I realized, aha, this is the current significant reason for the inferiority complex of Filipinos. It’s not foreigners or colonialism. It’s irresponsible parenting.
Part of Philippine tradition is for elderly people to stop working and to depend on their children to support them. However, this tradition can be abused. For example, we may have heard of parents who do nothing but drink, depending on their children for buying their drinks. Those children, if not working in legal jobs, may even be goaded to steal for that. If those children are unable to produce some money, they might be at the receiving end of parental violence. What if those irresponsible parents are using such money for illegal drugs and not just vices?
Let’s say there’s a moocher and tambay (standby, or jobless) father who abandoned his children and left the family to fend for themselves; then when he sees his children have jobs and earn well, he turns up to demand that they give him what he wants, because he gave birth to them. I would say the children have no obligation to give in to that. Thus I oppose that move to allow parents to charge in court children who they feel are not supporting them. That would prevent such irresponsibility from being properly addressed.
Some people may say, “but we Filipinos are good parents! We can never be bad, we are only good, because we are a special people!” Grandiose navel-gazing makes people unable to see the truth.
Like many other cases, it supports my assertion that the dysfunction of Filipinos can be traced to the family. If we are to fix some problems in society, one important place to start is the family. Perhaps we need to undo some traditions that we’ve long cherished as part of our “Filipino identity,” and replace them with better practices.
First, elder adults don’t need to stop working. Columnist James Lafferty himself says older people should still be part of the workforce, since some of them still want to work and be productive. Even people with disabilities have become willing workers. It would be worse if they were part of the moocher population.
Of course, there is the problem of lack of care by erring children. However, that still does not justify the proposed move to have parents sue their children in court. Between children and parents, the latter usually have more capability and power to carry out their responsibilities. One belief considered right is that parents should work to make the lives of their children easier, and not exploit them. I have also supported fellow blogger and Manila Times editor Ben Kritz’s proposal for expanded elderly benefits, because it makes better sense to take the burden off the children.
Authoritarian Family Culture
Perhaps one topic that needs to be brought up is the authoritarian culture of the Philippines. Perhaps people today are forgetting that Filipino culture is mainly oriented to authoritarian family principles. The parents are considered the monarchs of the family home, their word is law, and all that they should be served by their children. Sometimes, the parents have children solely for the purpose of providing for them and having servants to use.
I’d like to repeat that catchy comment of Marius: “(Such) Parents don’t seem to give their children any kind of moral guidance at all, except to remind them that they owe their existence to ma and pa, and are therefore responsible for bringing home the bacon, the iPhone, the Tanduay, and the new roof, or whatever ma and pa shall desire this week. Bashing the kids occasionally, and at random, is not the same thing as imposing discipline.”
Much has been said criticizing the authoritarian nature of Filipino family dynamics. Some people today may remember their own parents or grandparents wanting to dictate how they should dress, act, talk and what to believe. These believe it is their right to run the lives of other people. It would be no wonder why some of these older people approve of something like martial law: it agrees with their authoritarian beliefs. Irresponsible parents exploit this, making their children feel inferior in order to reduce them into servants and walking ATM machines. We at GRP blame the culture of seeking to have no work and to live by taking from others as the most glaring reason for the backwardness of our country.
The Myth of ‘Dependence is Love’
Perhaps there is a prevailing myth (or deliberate deception) prevalent in Filipino families that dependence leads to love. Some religious leaders believe this and thus prefer that Filipinos remain poor, on the assumption that family members will rush to aid them and that this is automatically an outpouring of love. Unfortunately, that is not always true. Providing for others could be done with strings attached; politicians, for instance. They do this for themselves and not others. That way, it is not love. People mooch not because they love someone else (I doubt mooching is love at all!). And the one being mooched on does not necessarily love the one they’re giving dole-outs to. This idea about dependence and love should be shattered, and Filipino ideas about love need to be changed.
Solving the inferiority complex of some Filipinos will need a massive change in culture. That change may even challenge things people believe as part of being “Filipino.” For example, some may believe the dictatorial nature of parents is Filipino and should not change. The younger generation tends to try and stand up to it, so the Bible reference to family members being turned against each other may even include the children correcting erring parents. Others may say the old generation is passing anyway, so it is up to the newer generation to be better examples once they become elders themselves.
My mom during her Payatas talk had told the children that they are not useless and deserve to be treated better. Such encouragement and assurances are neeeded in eradicating the so-called inferiority complex. It however may require some opportunities for the children in the form of jobs and recognition for their work. Also, the reason for the tradition of obliging children to care for elderly parents is that they are expecting hard times; what if such hard times are well prepared for with benefits for the elderly and other solutions? Or better yet, if times were not that hard? Then there likely won’t be a need for that tradition. It is an issue that tends to be multi-faceted, so the solution needs to be so as well. Starting with a few facets, such as our own cultural practices and actual habits, is still a good way to go.
I believe, as my cohorts here do, that what Filipinos embrace as their culture is what actually pulls the country down. And those who seem to be anti-dictators, who may also believe themselves to be “heroes,” are the real dictators.
In Western countries…children are not obligated to provide for their parents. Parents kick their children out of the house , at the age of 21. Children at that, 21 years of age are on their own..
Family dependence is a culture and tradition in the Philippines. Relatives ask for help , from other relatives. If you don’t give help: you are heartless or a “kuripot”…
In poor families; most of the parent don’t prepare the children to face life…or to better themselves.
So, if the parent’s livelihood is looking for materials, in the garbage, to be sold in recycles. Their children will earn their living, doing the same.
Filipinos are “gaya gaya” also. If their neighbors, go OFW…they will also go OFW…
Just look at the TV programs, that dole out money…people are even, stampeding and dying ; trying to get into the show, and win prize money…
Politicians know this mindset of Filipinos…In times of election, the politicians give voters: rice, sardines, tuyo, noodles, etc… in exchange for votes.
Politicians steals money, like the missing Typhoon Yolanda Funds, to buy materials to give, in exchange for peoples’ vote !
Unless this “pandering mentality” of Filipinos are removed, in their mindsets…we will always be the same…no self respect…forever looking for Freebies !
I was raised in a western country, but I don’t know any “children” who were “kicked out” by their parents at 21. I was eager to get my own place and independence when I moved to university at 18 (=adult), wouldn’t you be?
Not obligated to provide for my parents is correct. They’re doing fine, they’re competent adults with careers and pensions. I’ll help them if/when they need it, obviously. Though knowing us heartless westerners, that probably means “forcing” them into a retirement home while I deal with my own busy life and children. We’re like robots or something. What. Is. Love?
They depend on relatives for help because of poverty in Philippines but people need to work.
No one in my neck of the woods kicks their kids out at 21. In fact, quite the opposite. Parents like having their kids around, like looking after them a little too long, because we know we’ll miss them when they do inevitably go…
Kids in the Philippines seem to run in unchecked packs in the filthy streets from the age of about 2. That’s no way to look after your old age pension investment…
Getting kicked out is the impression some older Filipinos seems to have about families in western countries. My 74-year-old mom believes that. That at 18, many children are forced out of the home to learn independence for themselves, even if the parents taught them nothing about it. I take it with a grain of salt these days though, and it seems trends have been changing lately with independent living getting harder to do. Better check up with more older Filipinos if this is their idea.
Hello Chinof. I’m sorry, the English is not my mother tongue. I’ve only learn the English by watching TV so forgive my grammar. Since my trip in the Philippines, I became fascinated by the Filipino culture and mindset. I’m fascinated but also very shocked. It’s hard to deny that Filipinos and westerners are very different. Sure, we all have a nose, a mouth, 2 eyes and a brain but our perception are very different. Everything is different actually. During my first weeks in the Philippines I was totally lost when I was looking at the people who live there and how they think, speak, behave, work, their superstitions, their myths and beliefs, the practices of ethic… Everything! I want to give few examples but where should I start? I saw young guys of 15/19 years old sit down in front of a folding table with big bottles of liquid on the side of the road. What the hell are they doing? My wife told me that these guys are illegally selling gas to drivers but sometimes they add water in it to stretch quantities and make more profite… What? Her answer made me even more puzzled: If it’s illegal then why they do it? And why they don’t try to hide from the cops? And why the cops do nothing about it? And who’s gonna buy some gas with water in it? Cause nobody knows? If the naive guy that I am just arrived in this country and learned this, then who don’t? I can’t imagine someone saying: “Morning seer!! Give me 4 gallons of gas with water please!! Is it why cars are so f#&-$@# noisy in this country? Another example of nonsense: I see half cabins to wait for the bus. Our bus cabins where I live have glass walls, a banch and a roof but what I saw in the phils was a simple concreet square on the ground with 4 posts. I was like: what the heck is this? Why there’s no banch nor roof? My wife told me: Cause if they put walls and roofs with a banch in this, some families will move in. What??? A family living in a bus cabin? She was right, I noticed that no places are bad enough for families of squatters. When I was in Makati I wanted to take a picture of a building but then there’s this big tough police guy with a M-16 in his hands whistling at me . He did not talk but I assumed he meant: no pictures. You never know why people act so illogically in the Philippines. You can illegally sell gas with water in it and live under a bridge or in a bus cabin. You can even pimp your kids if you want and nobody will reprimand you but YOU CAN’T TAKE PICTURES OF THIS BUILDING!!!! You never know if it’s really illegal to take pictures or if this macho guy just want to feel important. It’s impossible to find some logic in this country. The answer is always the same: You are in the Philippines, so don’t try to understand. The real question is: Why the heck Filipinos are like this? Why the Filipino society is so lame and desorganized and weak?
I found your article this winter in January and I was skeptical but then I’ve read this ethnology book that I have about the Filipino culture and here is what the writer says: ‹‹Filipinos stop giving physical marks of affection to their kids once they reach the age of about 2 years old. After this age there are no more kisses nor hugs anymore. The single sing they do is what they call “mano po” which is a sing of submission. My wife told me that when she was 10 years old she saw a young girl kissing her mom in an American movie so she kissed her mother for the Mother’s day. Her mom was disgusted so she violently pushed her daughter away››.
I did not know this at all since Filipinos tend to hide and deny their culture to foreigners. I saw some Filipinos doing this in the Family of my wife but I did not know mich details. This method of parenting means a lot on a society of more than 100 millions. It has created a lot of bad repercussions and we can easily observe them. Allow me to mention my opinion about the Filipino society. Please tell me if you think I’m wrong but I have a big impression that most people grow up in this country with very little references and landmarks on how to be a good, honest and civilized person. Their boats simply fallow the wind. When people see what they believe are good and honorable models, they simply fallow them without questioning much. That’s why Kriss Aquino is so popular. She represents the mother that many Filipinos never had. Check her videos on YouTube and read the comments, you will understand what I mean. People agree with everything she says no matter how boostfull, shallow and illogical she is. That’s the kind of reference people fallow in this country.
I did not observe how Filipinos raise their kids, but I can definitely see a link between this mano po sing of submission and what you described in your article.
Thanks for sharing your observations. It does give other people something to think about.
Sorry Sir, here’s what I can say to you:
1. the driver you talked to was, I’m so sorry, as ignorant as you are about the gas sold along some roads in far flung rural areas where gas stations are scarcely found ! Filipinos haven’t yet reached that stupidity of selling/buying petrol mixed with water! Usually, it’s only added with some engine oil in the belief that it could somehow “stretch the usage” or more miles added for a given amount of fuel and not to increase the quantity. It’s actually based on putting additives to the fuel to increase its performance.
2. Taking pictures in Makati City is always allowed. I guess, you unwittingly did obstruct the traffic at the very moment that’s why the whistle was blown to get your attention to clear the way. Or maybe the “police” you had seen was not really a policeman but a bank armored car security personnel who was trying to give way to their maneuvering armored van! I don’t a traffic policemen in Makati carrying long firearms! You can only see that during an ongoing police operation and that’s normal everywhere in the world! In the US, police forces in full battle-gear are the normal scenes during some serious police operations.
3. Again, the driver who was giving you info about raising kids in the Philippines, was actually talking about his own section of the society, i.e. the lazy and the uneducated sector and it does not represent the whole Filipino society. It is exactly the opposite where I belong to.
4. If Filipinos are so uncivilized people, why the whole world always prefer Filipino workers when they can hire cheaper labors from countries like Nepal, Vietnam, Indonesia and etc, etc?
5. Those who believe in Kris Aquino, are mostly from the group of people I mentioned in no. 3 above.
6. My question is, why the heck you visited the Philippines in the first place? Didn’t someone tell you that it is a beautiful country? Then, why did you only see the dark side of it? You could have enjoyed your stay if you hired a pro-tour guide than getting info from a stupid driver!
7. Comparing one culture to another is completely absurd, esp. when what you see is only the negative side. Did you even know why European become a hardworking people today? It was because during the primitive era, they don’t survive if they didn’t work so hard stockpiling supplies before the winter time, as foods were virtually nowhere to be found in the snow. Necessities for the harsh times made them worked so hard and this attitude was passed on from generation to generation until now. In the Philippines, all year round foods were available during that primitive period, they didn’t have to work hard to survive and that is what you see in some less educated Filipinos in the present time. What you see between Europeans & Filipinos are the reflection of their past cultures.
8. Waiting sheds with only four posts standing, are completely unimaginable! Where are these and do you have pictures to show us?
9. When you comeback to the Philippines, please send me an email (wilsonjbadi@yahoo.com) and I will help you see the real beauty of this country and of its people. We may have some litany of woes on some people, but generally the hospitality of Filipino will make you admire this country.
Filipinos love for corruption is inherently a way of life, Inferiority complex is only a result of how theiving politicians has kept Filipinos in perpetual state of poverty. Most Filipinos believes corrupt politicians are not corrupt so as long as it is use in charity, dole outs is far better than hard work, Anyway there are always theiving politicians and OFWS who are willing to sustain them. Only in the Philippines you can steal Trillions of Dollars and still get reelected. Edsa 123 will answer your question.
I have an idea about Filipino Inferiority Complex…..it’s because deep in the darkest reaches of their minds they really see themselves and their culture of what it is.
I’ve come to a rather similar conclusion. It’s not an inferiority complex. They’re simply inferior.
The question remains, then: why do Filipinos want to be inferior? It is a choice. They don’t have to be. Despite the fact that Filipinos themselves shrug and sigh and say “you can’t change Filipinos”, I refuse to believe that this is true. Of course they can change. They just don’t want to.
Marius,
“They just don’t want to [change]”.
This is the 60 million dollar question that needs to be answered. Why do they not want to change?
Because change is scary. All they can do is revert to things that dont change (religion, bible). Thinking that that is a safe-haven. It makes them lethargically. They may only change if and when their (spiritual) leader (president, priest, cardinal, bishop or pope) will say it is okay to change. Only then they will see it as a kind of approval (from up there) to change.
Now, in a country where common sense (facts, science) rules, nobody will wait for a leader. We are our own leaders.
They don’t find any reason to change if change will entail responsibility, and if what they don’t want to give up by changing is their mooching ways.
How can such self-righteous and almost bullying arrogance be seen as an inferiority complex. Inferior, but it’s certainly not a complex…
Hyden,
I dont know where you get that fake story from (your source) but we are NOT kicked out by our parents. We leave the parental house out of free will at the age of 18 for practical reason(s) and because we want to live on our own. At home, we have no privacy and most times university is NOT around the corner PLUS its about time to stand on our own 2 feet. By law, we are adults now (by reaching the age of 18). That means, we can finally vote (elections), we can buy a car, a house (without (written and/or verbal) consent of the parents) and we can marry (without (written and/or verbal) consent of the parents).
You are correct by saying that we are NOT obligated to provide for our parents. They (the parents) dont want it and they dont need it. Even when parents are ‘poor’ (or come from lower bckgrounds).
What does that mean? It means that every pesos/dollars/euros that are earned by their kids will be kept by the kids. If we had to ‘invest’ that in our parents, it simply means we cannot invest it in ourselves. Hence, we can not invest in our own future. Hence, we are poor ourselves. And that is what our parents doesnt want for us and what we dont want.
Do we have the PH equivalent of OFWs?
Let me answer that this way. If I would apply for a job – in lets say England – as a domestic house helper – then that is useless to do. I can only get a job in England when its a high-end job. They must have a shortage in that specific high-end line of work where only people like me (or people like you) can fill that gap.
Now aside from all the above, I personally think ChinoF forgot to mention – much more important – other factors that contribute to the ‘The real reason(s) and causes for Pinoy’s “inferiority complex”’.
@Robert Haighton:
Okay, the word : “kick Out ” is too harsh. Let us just say; the parewnts encourage children to leave home, and be on their own; at the age of 18…then if they don’t move, they are “Kicked Out” by their parents, to be on their own.
My wife comes from Western Europe…most of my co-worker’s ancestors came from Western Europe.
This is what I observed from them. Children are trained to be independent, at early age. Parents are placed in nursing homes. Because, they have to go to earn a living…
To the Filipino mindset; it is somewhat harsh and ungrateful, for the children to parents who sacrificed and brought us up…
However, we children, have to work and make a living. To work and take care for an aged parent is too much to take..
I see also parents supporting married children; and taking care of their grandchildren, until they are too old to do it…
In the “inferiority Complex” of Filipinos. We were subjected to many indignities, by the Spanish colonizers…you can read the novel of Dr. Jose Rizal, “Noli Me Tangere”, to know these indignities. We have suffered these indignities for 300 years of Spanish colonization.
After the Spaniards and the Americans, were gone…the new Masters, were the thieving/amoral Filipino politicians, who took advantage of the negative mindsets of Filipino voters.
You can also read the , Theory of the great German Psychoanalyst, regarding: “Collective Unconsciousness”, to understands why this negative mindset prevails, to most Filipinos , up to now !
Hyden,
As far as I know, nobody is kicked out even when older than 18.
That parents encourage ALL their children to stand on their own 2 feet is right but happens with a soft hand.
And it happens gradually. In a household with 3 kids, not all the kids are 18 at the same time. Usually their is an age-gap between the 3 kids.
Also, dont forget that parents also like to have their kids around. It can become quite boring with only a husband and no kids around especially if the parents have no hobbies and or a circle with only very few friends (of their own age).
Again, correct, kids are raised/trained from an early age to be independent. They go to school without parental supervision by bike or walking as early as elementary school.
‘To the Filipino mindset; it is somewhat harsh and ungrateful, for the children to parents who sacrificed and brought us up…’
Personally, I dont see the ungratefulness. When I choose to become a parent (yes it is a choice), then I know what it takes (raising the kids, buying them clothes, feeding them, sending to school). If I demand something in return for that then I will never become a parent. Goddammit, its a free choice. You cant take that out on your kids by demanding from them too take care of me when I sick and miserable
Hyden,
As far as I know, nobody is kicked out even when older than 18.
That parents encourage ALL their children to stand on their own 2 feet is right but happens with a soft hand.
And it happens gradually. In a household with 3 kids, not all the kids are 18 at the same time. Usually their is an age-gap between the 3 kids.
Also, dont forget that parents also like to have their kids around. It can become quite boring with only a husband and no kids around especially if the parents have no hobbies and or a circle with only very few friends (of their own age).
Again, correct, kids are raised/trained from an early age to be independent. They go to school without parental supervision by bike or walking as early as elementary school.
‘To the Filipino mindset; it is somewhat harsh and ungrateful, for the children to parents who sacrificed and brought us up…’
Personally, I dont see the ungratefulness. When I choose to become a parent (yes it is a choice), then I know what it takes (raising the kids, buying them clothes, feeding them, sending to school). If I demand something in return for that then I will never become a parent. Goddammit, its a free choice. You cant take that out on your kids by demanding from them to take care of me when I am sick, old and miserable. This conformity and part of the PH culture has to end for the sake of progress in PH. As long as this doesnt stop, you (the PH) will never be able to progress, evolve and improve.
Secondly, I (as kid) am not trained nor educated to take care of someone with autism or dementia. I rather leave that to a real professional who studied that illness and knows what to do.
Thirdly, It is not uncommon that children do not live around the block (from the parents). So we will visit our parents but not as often. Thank god, we have landline, cell phone, Skype and what not to keep in touch.
Fourthly, most health issues are covered by our health insurance. I dont know what PhilHealth is all about. Anyway, health Insurance is mandatory/compulsory for everyone. Call it an Obamacare but then functional.
Finally, based on my PH experiences, I always notice(d) that its always the (oldest) daughter who takes care of her parents and never the son(s). They tell me that the son have their own lives. So being a single mom with 1 or more kids, is not a own life?
What I wanted to say is this:
If future parents make that important decision about making kids, they should do that with much more responsibility and that raising kids is part of the entire process. To ask something in return for that process is BS. In that case, pls dont make kids. You cant make kids responsible for the decision made by the parents. And the gratefulness and respect for that BS decision is a crime by itself.
Hyden,
I hope we can agree on at least one point.
Making kids is a choice made of out of free will. Nobody forces you (or me) to put kids on this planet. Nobody puts a gun to our heads ordering/demanding us to make kids. Right? Then why let kids suffer to let those kids take care of US when we are old? Lets not make them just OUR ATM’s and our slaves?
If the youth is the future then we should let them be free without any burden. Life is sometimes hard and difficult enough for them to make ends meet.
For me the PH approach of this is pure 100% extortion and emotional, psychological blackmail. The children didnt ask to be put on this planet.
..why let kids suffer to let those kids take care of US when we are old?
That’s easy to answer. Filipino culture is based on slavery. Different forms of slavery is the foundation of the Filipino value system. utang na loob is just one good example.
Attila,
Do you now understand why we (correction: why I) find the Philippines have a backward culture? It leads to nothing and certainly not to enpowerment, not to improvement and it wont get you into labeling the country as a 1st world country.
It seems to me that people in your country who helps the needy people are giving them fish every day and not teach them how to fish for themselves and be self-responsible.
It seems to me that the word responsibility is a very dirty contaminated word in your country. Oh wait, god will help them, right?
I really wonder what the Philippine population wants?
@Robert Haighton:
Okay, “kicked out” is too harsh the description. We shall redo the sentence.
At the age of 18; the children are encouraged to be on their own. If they don’t leave home…they are COERCED OUT,by their parents, to be on their own.
It is a kindler and gentler way to describe the situation…
I hope , we reached a common ground !
Hi Robert. I’m Canadian living in Canada with my wife from the Philippines, and blablabla.. I’ll skip the boring details.. Things get interesting when my wife tells me what other Filipinos(nas) tell her. Basically, everytime a pinoy or pinay meets another one for the first time, they compete to know WHO IS THE BEST OF BOTH. They do it either by boasting or by insulting the other or with absurd random insinuations. Here’s something I would normally never mention because it’s so irrelevant, but our daughter has a very pale skin. No need to mention how obsessed these people are about skin whiteness.
2 days ago my wife brought our daughter to a park and 2 random Filipino women started to nag her completely out of the blue. One of them said: ‘Your daughter is too white’ as if judging other people’s kids in public out of jealousy is a normal thing.
“WHY YOU DID NOT TEACH TAGALOG TO YOUR DAUGHTER???””WHY YOU DID NOT GO TO THE PHILIPPINES SINCE THREE YEARS??” We just went there! We paid $3000 per ticket each”. “You should go too”
All these lines heard from complete Filipino strangers. Can you believe that? Damn it sucks I wasn’t there to enjoy that show! And that’s only what happened 2 days ago. The other time before, a random Pinoy janitor in a hospital tried to push my wife to resign from her job. He only works as janitor as a hobby. In reality he’s a very rich investor. Apparently, if we give him our money, he will invest it and will multiply it by hundreds he said. That sounds so legit! I almost forgot to mention that he has a $7000 Husky dog.
I LOVE THESE PEOPLE!!! I will definitely hire a bunch of them to become my coaches. I’m a lost sheep man!!! I need Filipinos to tell me how to manage my life and tell me what to think about everything.
Whoever believes that dependence is love should know the fact that it actually leads to slavery. You cannot always depend on people especially your family or friends. If you do that, and you’ll learn nothing besides religion.
Okay, Okay, I wont disagree. Either way, children or parents, overly dependence on the other is a bad thing- but let us not generalize here. What you are talking about is actually representing only a portion of the Filipino society and that portion is usually the poor and the lazy!
My Apology. But for, at least, those in the middle class and above, I don’t think that’s the case. I haven’t experienced that in my family, too. What I have been taught instead is to care for the family members – old or young, it’s the same. And this caring thing is passed on from generation to generation and those few who’d break this “caring-tradition”, may bear the burden of becoming a family outcast or be labeled as “walang-utang na loob”…that’s where it hurts actually and that’s the reason, too, you wouldn’t usually see parents are brought to the home for the aged in the Philippines!
Now, let me ask you guys, which one do you prefer, your children taking care of you when you are too old – not necessarily the children themselves but hiring someone to do it in your own home under their supervision or you’d like that one being “kicked-out” (this word really applies here now!) of your family’s home and be deposited to a place hundred of miles away and taken cared for under the mercy of a nursing house and of a not-too-caring personnel? I bet, you’d choose the Filipino way!
The last part would be a false dichotomy. It ignores other alternatives, such as older people living in their own homes, with friends or other satisfactory living arrangements. Being with relatives is preferable indeed, due to many cultures valuing family. There is no need though to force this kind of arrangement on people, or to say that the “Filipino” way is the only good way. And there’s no assurance that care by relatives is always adequate, and I’d say the quality of care would be… relative.
Exactly, I myself is a victim of toxic parenting. My parents yelled me whenever I reasoned out. For Pinoy parents, the children who argue are already turning against them. They verbally, mentally and emotionally their children. I’m having a social anxiety. I can’t imagine to have an employer because for me, I’m making myself small again. I’m doing self employment and trying to get publish my book Hopefully, I can escape this mental tormenting family sooner.
*abused
Thank you for the comments. Interesting to see the word “slavery” used here. I guess the common theme I could find is this: coercion and forcing others are the cause of many abuses within families as well as in most of society, and thus should be one of the things to address if we want “peace on earth.”
AYos to ah. Anyway I still hate bobong pinoys! colonial mentality, loud karaoke, escapism, survival mentality, pinoy low standard (nagtitiis sa mga bulok na Pinoy mainstream movies that in effect lumilitaw na parang ang ABS CBN and other Pignoy bulok stations na ang nagdidikta kung ano ang dapat panoorin ng Pinoys at kung hanggang saan lang dpat sila mag settle), Pinoy super duper sensitivity, Pinoy “sinasadyang kabobohan”/ point-missing-is-convenient mentality, Pignoy nonsense pride at lahat lahat na ng kabobohan sa mundo! I’m not very eudcated but it doesnt mean I am oblivious of shitty pinoy kabobohan! Anak ng p*ta brainwashed Pinoys! If only I am that fluent in English I want to be a contributor in this page but that aint gonna happen so I will just roam around for the meantime hehehe
I knew one from our relative having seen this article! And there are these palamunin parents who demand from their children so much, much of what they have provided to them! I knew this certain person who was not educated and treated fairly by his parents. The parents seem to have no dream for their children though but this one is very much different than the rest of the siblings! The rest of the children are just the extension of their idiot parents, they dont have that sort of a high dream. this person stood to himself and strived to death and he now turned out a successful college professor!Not so big but not so chronic either, at least he was able to obtain diploma. and it was very difficult for him back then that every night he has to work as a carwasher just to get from there his food for the entire day.
and after he graduated there are his parents who are coming back to him as if they sustained his education. This person isn’t your overriding Pinoy character from dramas! he never liked being such a victim! he fought and rebelled to his parents. But he just treats them fine as of now though he doesnt seem to have that kind of affection for his parents. I wouldnt even think that he isnt their son because he got all the physical resemblance from his parents, but not the attitude.
If we go back to God’s 10-Commandments, we’d be reminded that the first 4 are specifically reserved to serve God – directly and the next six are serving HIM through upright engagements with other humans. At number 5 Commandment or the very next things to be honoured after God, are our parents! Though, the word “love” wasn’t used here because there are really parents who are so unlovable, we still have to honor them as per God’s decree. Hence, the reasons Filipinos, even when their parents are hateable ones, they still feel indebted to them because of their, one way or another, relationship with the Supreme Being.
On the other side of the coin, there’s this:
“It would be better to be thrown into the sea with a millstone hung around your neck than to cause one of these little ones to fall into sin.”
Pinoy parents routinely bring up their kids to lie, cheat, steal and commit violence against their fellows. Everyone has an excuse for his bad behavior and expects the world to indulge him. Sin is baked into the culture here.
So can we please stop pretending Filipinos are Christians? Some of them are, I’m sure. Most of them are just hypocrites of the worst kind.
ChinoF: thanks for the quote :). I don’t always agree with you, but your arguments are invariably eloquent, logical, and interesting. You also avoid finger-pointing at random politicians, which is refreshing. They’re all corrupt criminals, so the endless articles pointing out that A is more corrupt and criminal than B get a bit tiresome.
It’s just a pity that, for every ChinoF in the Philippines, there’s another 30 tambuays standing behind him with a bottle of red horse, and a big stick or a bolo, telling him to shut up.
Anyway, I think your observations are spot-on. As I’ve mentioned before, I suspect the main hope for the country is (or could be) its children. The adults might be unfixable, but if only we could teach the children to be honest, decent people, this country might finally achieve something. But who will do that? Certainly not their parents or their teachers. I guess we need more people like your mom.
Thanks. That quote of yours was one for the books, and despite denials by some people, similar observations by others are aplenty. Agreed, if only we could reach out to more children and truly educate them, as in education on common sense things and responsibility. There are some street kids who get some teaching at church, but when they see someone like me, they want to be treated to 7-11 or other food spot. I sure hope to impress on them the need to stop relying on others for hand-outs.
Failipinos in the Failippines conscious of inferiority are always trying to impose themselves on others, because they know that underneath they are cowards or cretins.
Lol. The reference to Failippinos reminds me of the trendy phrase ‘Epic Fail’ – and as defined in urban dictionaries:
– An epic fail is complete and total failure when success should have been reasonably easy to attain.
– The highest form of fail known to man.
– Reaching an extreme level of failage (is that a word?).
– A mistake of such monumental proportions that it requires its own term in order to successfully point out the unfathomable shortcomings of an individual or group.
– Something so pitiful or pathetic that some will either sympathize or won’t say anything, due to the fail being so large that words cannot describe it.
– A failure so abysmal it is epic in scale.
Thank you for this article. I don’t like the mindset of other Filipinos.
– Gustavo Woltmann
On the other side of the coin, there’s this: The endless blaming/complaining by some foreigners, of them having chosen being here, annoys and saddens me too!
While there are few ungrateful all-knowing foreign scumbag commenters here in GRP who can only run their mouths, it’s good to know that there are still others out there who carry a different mindset, know how to blend and care a bit more and who can, truthfully and selflessly, run their business!
Old Grumpy Nobody Mr. Marius can learn many things about life from those others! One of them is this American who chose to come and live in the Philippines (and definitely, not one of the “low-class variety foreigners”, Mr. Decent-Pretender-Nobody is talking about!).
Meet Mr. Patrick Taylor! I just saw this guy in the news:
http://hybridagriempowerment.com/
That’s fine, grumpy. You carry on believing everything is just lovely here; that Filipinos are right and absolutely everyone else on the planet is wrong; and you have nothing whatsoever to learn from other cultures. Tune out all the criticism (constructive or otherwise) and listen only to foreigners who stroke your ego and indulge your spoiled-children attitude.
Yes, that’ll work.
That’s also fine by me Old Grumpy! Keep on believing that you and your kind are God’s gift to our kind.
With such a world-class perception of other people that you declared in another post:
“Why are Filipinos so surprised at the low class of foreigners (pedophiles, drunks, and the like) who wash up here to live? Those people like it here because they find an environment conducive to their lifestyles, while decent people prefer to live in other countries where they can rub shoulders with other decent people.”
I don’t believe that we have nothing to learn from other cultures because we just learned that there are those who simply talk but…! Wow, and with some foreign guys like yourself who chose to be here, that is just something decent…and world-class!
Sorry, I’ve read that a few times and I can’t extract any coherent thought from what you wrote, apart from “foreigners are all nasty and mean because they look down on Pinoys for no good reason”.
As it happens, I don’t think foreigners have much to offer Filipinos, principally because Filipinos like yourself think you know everything already.
I actually do something similar to the guy in the video. However, I keep my head down, don’t preach, don’t advise, and don’t make websites crowing about how great I am. This is for three reasons:
1) I’m fully aware that teaching is not one of my skills.
2) As mentioned, Filipinos already know everything.
3) If I put a word wrong, someone is likely to knife me for insulting Pinoy Pride.
There are one or two people in my neighborhood who are genuinely interested in what I do. The others, as far as I can tell, just laugh at the silly foreigner, working all day, instead of sitting around drinking and stroking my cock like “normal” men.
Just yesterday I was in the house of a 55 or so years old Filipino who has 4 children and he skipped work to do some “inuman” with the “boys”….I actually had a little Fundador with him but I knew nothing that he was supposed to be working…..
I can totally relate because my husband and I are both Filipino-Americans with parents from the Philippines, except his parents are worse than mine although my mom wanted me to marry him. My husband has inferiority complex and is extremely insecure. He and his parents are very authoritarian and tell me what to wear, how to behave, what to do, who to talk to, insult my tastes and talents, especially in speaking six to eight languages and arts, etc. just like they did with my sister-in-law who broke off with them. We live in an area in the US where there are fewer Filipinos and like my husband and in-laws, the few Filipinos living there are rude and mean to others, especially to White and Black-American people, although they are the majority, because they tend to think very backwards and are antisocial along with being fearful that no one will take their culture literally. My husband and in-laws also think like that as well and that they are superior to anyone who is Westernized/Americanized, in terms of culture as to why they get so pissed whenever I talk to or greet someone who is White or Black-American whenever they greet me. They act is if I’m going to become Americanized, hence having White ancestry on both sides of my family and lacking Asianess in my appearance.
Sometimes this is the reason why some girls avoid Filipino guys. Talk about mental and verbal abuse from their parents or even siblings which I’m experiencing from my in-laws (and husband) along with every Filipino guy my mom had set me up with before him. Plus, their parents are codependent upon them. Independence, to them is selfish, along with setting boundaries with them, which they consider rude, disrespectful, and too Westernized/Americanized. Filipino people sometimes like to walk all over people. Even guys need to tolerate abuse from a Filipino girl’s family (or relatives) when dating and marrying a Filipino girl, which they might think is unpleasant. Dating and marrying a Filipino girl is difficult, especially for Western guys, when a Filipino girl has family that wants her to date and marry a Filipino guy with inferiority complex and feels entitled to her like every Filipino guy my mom set me up with.