Yolanda Crisis 2013: Marvel, DCU, Capcom, SNK & MK vs. LP

Note: Ladies and gentlemen, this is another spoof article by yours truly, Thaddeus Grimwald. “Spoof” means it’s not real. It’s just a joke, pure and simple. It’s more or less a parody of the latest propaganda comic created by the LP to support their presidential candidate Mar Roxas as highlighted here by our webmaster Benign0. If anything, it’s just a fanfic that I made up because I think it would be a sin against God above not to ridicule Mar Roxas’ lame attempt at trying to make himself look like a hero in the Yolanda Crisis. 

So sit back readers and enjoy!

The comic Sa Gitna ng Unos (In the Middle of a Storm) has attracted quite a bit of vitriol from Filipinos who are well aware of the Liberal Party’s questionable actions and decisions. Apparently, the comic aims to make Mar Roxas, current presidential candidate of the LP, seem like the hero of the Yolanda Crisis in 2013 even though it was quite clear that he both neglected and outright ignored the pleas of the hapless victims of Typhoon Haiyan. Indeed, Sa Gitna ng Unos is nothing more than blatant insults to many of the victims of Yolanda who, to this day, remain homeless and hopeless thanks to Mar Roxas’ indifference.

Not to worry though ladies and gentlemen as it seems that Sa Gitna ng Unos has created such a massive negative backlash that it seems that some of the biggest names in comics and video games outside the Philippines are banding together to counter this black propaganda. It seems no less than Marvel, DCU, Capcom, SNK and Mortal Kombat will make a crossover comic to prove once and for all that Mar Roxas and he rest of the LP are not the heroes they claim to be. This massive crossover comic will be entitled Yolanda Crisis 2013 and will be slated for release right after the presidential election.

While the people working on the comic wish to remain silent on its contents as they don’t want to spoil the fun, they were willing to share with us readers what to expect in the comic. The plot will kick off with the arrival of Typhoon Haiyan/Yolanda back in 2013. However, it will be shown that Yolanda is no ordinary storm but is, in fact, a dimensional rift that connects the worlds of Marvel, DCU, Capcom, SNK and Mortal Kombat together. Various characters from all five universes will be sucked into our world and be placed smack dab in the middle of Tacloban, the most devastated city in the wake of Typhoon Yolanda.

While at first lost and confused, the heroes and villains of the said worlds will quickly realize how the Liberal Party is taking advantage of the Filipino people and decide to join forces to free the Philippines from the LP once and for all. However, nothing will be easy for the heroes and villains-turned-heroes of the five universes as the writers have decided to add several original villains for them to fight. Plotting against our heroes (and non-heroes) is the dreaded Yellow Skull who is hinted to be none other than President Aquino himself who will be working with Mar Roxas to ensure the victory of the LP.

Again, the writers and artists are sparse on some details but here are at least 5 big scenes in the upcoming Yolanda Crisis 2013 that they’re willing to show us:

#1

Mayor Duterte and Senator Marcos will be shown teaming up with the Punisher, Deadpool, Chris Redfield, Ada Wong and Sonja Blade to fight yellow-uniformed bubble-head nurses who are invading the city of Davao. In one epic panel, Senator Marcos will be shown firing a large Gatling-gun while back-to-back with the Punisher as they take down an entire horde of bubble-head nurses. Another panel will show Mayor Duterte kissing Ada Wong on her right cheek. However, in the very next panel, an unmasked and tumorous Deadpool is giving Mayor Duterte a French-Canadian kiss.

#2

Spider-Man, Power Girl, Tron Bonne, Scorpion and Kitana are featured in a scene where they fight what appears to be Pyramid-Head with a yellow helmet in an utterly destroyed Malacanang Palace. Some of the writers have revealed that the Philippine 1986 Constitution is what is allowing Silent Hill monsters to invade the Philippines. While nothing has been confirmed, it can be assumed that the destruction of the 1986 Constitution might make saving the Philippines a lot easier.

#3

A frightened Miriam Defensor Santiago is depicted being protected by none other than Captain America, the Fantastic Four, Batgirl, the Joker, Fiolina “Fio” Germi and M. Bison as they make their way out of Manila which is shown to have been overrun with Silent Hill monsters. According to one writer, Senator Santiago is a pivotal character who may hold the key in defeating the LP once and for all. However, her death could mean victory for Mar Roxas so our “protagonists” must put their all into ensuring her survival.

#4

In a sort of “breather” episode, Morrigan Aensland and Mileena are depicted capturing Senator Grace Poe. One writer states that somewhere in the middle of the comic, Senator Poe will be transformed into a succubus like Morrigan Aensland. However, how Morrigan can turn Senator Poe into another succubus is anybody’s guess. Another breather scene will show Ken Masters, Lien Neville, Black Widow and the Green Lantern spying on Nancy Binay who is rumored to be a kind of a comedic “side villain” of the series. Other breather scenes show Batman and Dr. Doom giving relief goods to Yolanda victims, Roll Caskett, Mai Shiranui and X-23 explaining to parents the advantages of the K-12 system and Supergirl, Zangief, Magneto, Jade and Harley Quinn scaring NAIA employees out of their wits.

#5

Finally, Shuma-Gorath, Iron-Man, the Hulk, Reptile and Wonder-Woman will be shown in an epic scene wherein they are demolishing the ABS-CBN station while the Winter Soldier is beating Mar Roxas with a very large banana and Lilith Aensland is headbutting Leni Robredo…

***

So hold on because it’s gonna be a wild ride!

IT HAS BEGUN!