The year 2013 was the year where disasters and scandals decided to, well, troll the country. The damages went almost irreversible, and forever changed the lives of many. But even though that the past year was unpleasant to the optimistic Pinoys, here I am sitting on a chair marveling at the wonders of life. But enough of the jokes and kidding. Sure enough, 2013 was full of misfortunes. But it was never devoid of some minuscule details of amusement to which I am currently enjoying right now. I might as well carry those bits of joy this new year.
Okay, okay. Maybe you’re thinking “Why the heck are you enjoying humor while the country is suffering?” to which I would reply something like this: “Humorous moments can be found in unexpected chances.” And it came true. There were some moments of hilarious clarity in which I don’t have the intention of letting it go. At the very least, it was so darn funny on my part. I dunno with the rest of the populace, though.
But I’ll make this short. Throughout the deaths, destruction and shame, there were words that still managed to make us smile. I’m not talking about inspirational quotes or jokes. There were really those that achieved a state of “high” that made the most, uhh, awkward statements of the past year. Here are some of them.
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1. I can buy you, your friends and this club! This only shows that anyone under the influence of alcohol, whether be an ordinary tambay or Anne Curtis, unleashes their Unconscious state and may become an utter barbarian, socialite, a European royalty, or devolve from a showbiz personality into a fallible human being capable of saying things that shouldn’t be said in front of so many people. Cmon, JLC. She was a little tipsy before. You should had tried bashing a San Miguel Beer bottle in the table for added extra action and drunk ambiance inside the club. That way, Anne Curtis can really have the balls to pay for that bottle you broke.
2. I invoke my right against self-incrimination. The very overrated statement that was used from the time of that Valium-addicted individual to the reigning Pork Barrel Queen. A technique used when you have the intention of becoming an instant amnesiac idiot in Senate hearings, or if you are found speechless in the middle of a graded recitation at school. Well, it must really comes handy in graded recitations. I’m so gonna do it in one of my classes. Or if you want to be more conventional and a bit frank, try this:
3. Hindi ko po alam. Now you’ve become the instant amnesiac idiot you are actually trying to portray. Best used especially when your intonation rises in the middle of the sentence until the word po. Try it, it is very insulting. And it will result to me bashing that damned San Miguel Beer bottle into your stupid mouth. And someone in your defense will come to me and declare:
4. Nagsisinungaling po siya. The sentence that will make the finishing touches in your verbal crossfire inside the Senate. And after that, there’s the question again. Repeat number 3. Then number 4. Then the question again. Repeat number 3. Then number 4. After which Miriam Defensor-Santiago will snap her anger-o-meter into smithereens because she can’t milk the expected information to be divulged. Yeah, that’s the perk of being that instant amnesiac idiot.
5. It would be boring if there are no problems. So very well explained by the guy who apparently gets sick because of being workaholic. With what? Trying to find out if there are really problems with the country? So he doesn’t get bored because there are problems, right? Did he realize that he IS the part of Da Pinas’ problems? Meh.
6. I assure you, we will restore the power lines of Leyte before Christmas. A very classic example of a traditional personality that promises truth in a place full of lies. Or a traditional politician, if I make it more specific. Sadly, the author of this quote is no politician, but someone working in the Energy Department that guarantees something that is so unfathomable to accomplish to the ningas cogon attitude of Pinoys. Now, did he said that he will resign? Bakit di pa yun umaalis ng Energy Department porke pinipigilan ng presidente niya? So, promises are made to be broken talaga?
7. We should be very careful because you are a Romualdez and he is an Aquino. Another prime example of political arrogance that shouldn’t be used in times of disaster. Or else, it will result to IQ disaster – or lack of it – and you’ll realize in the end “In-edit lang ang videong yan!” 3 words for you, mister DILG secretary sir. Engot na nagmamagaling.
8. Don’t you know me? What?..Who are you talking to me anyway?..Ah really? Why is it that I can’t see you, then? Asan ho kayo? Ang dilim kasi, sobrang dark. Paki-explain, labyu.
Overzealous fan of Pokemon games. Currently on the hunt on whoever ended my killing streak in League of Legends, and those individuals who haven’t done anything helpful in this pathetic country.
You know what speaks to Pinoy humility? Out of the 7 I think only #1 has so much as uttered any hint of an apology. Usually it is the classic deny, deny, deny.
Where’s “Bahala kayo sa buhay niyo” or “Bahala si Lord sa inyo, busy ako!”, or that lousy cover-his-ass “Hindi ako nagnakaw”?
I guess, considering the source, they were actually weak words. Hahaha.
I guess we shouldn’t add any of the malacanang troll’s spiels to the list of strong words then since their words are as empty as their souls. The philippines doesn’t need a “savior” such as theirs.
Hmmm. I might as well include those in my part 2. I’m still searching for possible statements though. Keep them coming!
“hindi ko po alam.” nyahaha
Nice humorous article. We have to laugh, to prevent ourselves from crying; of what these political buffoons are doing in our country.
Of course, it is a culture for those in power; to show Importance of Themselves. With their egos raging to high heaven, and are in cloud nine. They must be in a state bordering to paranoia. Or Delusion of Grandeur. Mr. Roxas who is a DILG Secretary did not even know that he works for the Republic of the Philippines. And, not for Mr. Aquino, who happens to be the President. We have an over abundance of arrogance in our country. Especially Arrogance of Power…time to teach these idiots a lesson…
HAPPY THREE KINGS !!!
spread the word! this is the only hope:
http://definitelyfilipino.com/blog/2011/10/13/ang-huling-pag-asa-ng-pilipinas-4/
Despair…The quote you referenced was actually something along the lines of “Power will be restored to Tacloban by Christmas or I will resign.” The speaker was Jericho Petillia. He is a politician. He was govenor of Leyte for two terms. Aquino appointed him as one of the reconstruction czars. He succeeded in restoring power to Tacloban; but not to Leyte. Large areas of the island are still without power. Prices for goods, gasoline, and other commodities including transportation has quadrupled. Merchants are gouging the survivors unmercilessly. People there feel abandoned and are in despair. Somehow, I don’t think that is very funny.
How can you make funny of everyone died and lost family for your politics?
Please have reverent for our dead, and not use them as a jokes and comedy to assist your politics.
Thank you
Here’s a joke about your politics, Mary Grace.
How many Government Officials from Malacanang does it take to change a lightbulb. It’s Two. One will be busy in searching ways to legalize the process by requiring you letters of permission, while the other one will be always busy in searching for something to blame for their incapability to change the light bulb.
Nah, here comes the politics defense mechanism (even though, really, nothing is mentioned about methods of politicking, just pure humor)
Your lack of sense of humor is really disturbing.
And people like you are the reason why shows like SOUTH PARK and FAMILY GUY can’t be on free TV.
Reason: Filipinos CAN’T take satire. Wonder why Pugad Baboy is not serializing on Inquirer anymore? No? Oh yeah, you’re a prick.
I wish I can take you seriously but I can’t since you try to sound intellectual by typing in broken English.
Let me repeat my previous post: “Seriously, when it comes to satire…many Filipinos don’t have sense of humor because it’s about the truth.”
Learn to handle satire and the truth when you have the time.
What Seabee said, I didn’t find the post very funny either. So much hate and insults from reading the writer here. It’s one thing to speak of the countries problems, but one should be humble and polite and not pretend to be intellectually superior to all others like the writers here, I find their arrogance and vitriol distasteful.
@Kris:
What do you do, when your messages to our leaders remain unheeded? Shouting, at them do not even work. Try everything, until the messages will penetrate their thick skulls.
No one pretends to be intellectually superior. We teach each other, from our blog writing. If our ideas are much better than what you heard from the political propagandas or PR lies; it is not our fault to look superior.
We call a Spade, a dirty shovel…brutally frank…if it offends you and not be offended by what these Clowns are doing to our country…it’s your problem…not ours..
No one’s forcing you to read GRP’s articles. And like Hylden has said, no one’s pretending to be intellectually superior here…the article tells everything about what happened to the Philippines in 2013, what’s wrong with telling the truth?
Just tell us you’re butthurt instead and I will accept that reason.
Kris, you do know you are on a anti-government propaganda site? Your are silly to expect anything other than what you have seen already.
This site is in league with the rebels in PI, their common goal is to incite unrest and unsurp power for themselves or their affiliates.
If your opinions are not aligned with the writers on this site, expect to be attacked by them in comments, you can see it in every article they write, any rational arguments against their ‘ideas’ will be deleted so don’t bother trying to engage with them kris.
Take care!
Hi Christine.
Don’t you know you are on a website where we exercise independent thought and we exorcise ignorance. Don’t talk to me about propaganda. Your precious government for 4 years has been propping up a 50 year old non achiever who last week they labelled a WORKAHOLIC?? WTF??? And you are concerned about us??? The guy has never been married because he has never been capable. The guy had zero responsibilities at age 50. And you make him out to be the greatest thing since sliced bread. Don’t get me going on his virtuous sister whose sideline is apologizing for her mentally challenged brother. Be kind to the mentally challenged. Don’t vote for them and don’t justify them.
Speaking of take care, how do you sleep??? troll.
@Christine
I myself do not want to have Power. I don’t like politics, especially in the Philippines. I’m not living in the Philippines. And, I have a good honest job in the U.S.
Did our telling the truth hurt those in power? Especially their minions of YellowTards. Who are paid by Aquino by our tax money, to delude us all. What we are doing is a patriotic duty. To inform our fellow countrymen; who have been fed by propagandas; sanitized news, PR lies; idiotic soap operas; Kris Aquino / Boy Abundia insane antics; etc… and by , these Feudal Oligarchs for a long time.
Hi Christine, you are absolutely right, it seems you have stirred the rebels up.
Half of these guys aren’t even true filipino, Hyden for example is a wannabe 51st stater, they sold themselves to the kanos, and they feel because they live far away in the comforts of america, they feel safe and unaccountable for posting anti government propaganda here.
Our great Quezón said it best: “I would rather have a country run like hell by Filipinos than a country run like heaven by the Americans, because however bad a Filipino government might be, we can always change it.”
He would be turning in his grave if we let false filipinos who sold their souls to foreigners and live overseas agitate for change in our country.
Our government must be decided by our decent citizens, not rebels and filipinos that do not even live here.
It is heartwarming to see decent people like you, but in posting here, you are engaging these trolls and giving them oxygen, you naughty girl! Hehe!
Bagyo ka lang, Pilipino Kami! Be well and be safe!
Take care of yourself, TROLL. 😀
@Free Thinker:
Your username is a JOKE. That’s a fact. Because GRP is a place where freethinkers discuss while you are just spouting Yellow Propaganda with comments filled with ignorance and blatant idiocy.
Stop lying to yourself because you’re actually a TROLL. At IKAW at ang mga tulad mong TANGA ang BAGYO na sumisira sa Pilipinas. Enjoy living in your fantasy world, FRAUD. 😀
Fact is you won’t reply back because all that I’ve said is 100% TRUE.
@Free Thinker:
Also, you’re living in a delusion. A ‘truth’ that makes you feel better. It’s a pity that you spout about Philippine unity when you express disdain to foreigners who have contributed to the modernization of the country and the knowledge they have shared. Let alone the jobs they offer as the Philippines enter in a globalized economy. But that is nice as you want to see your dumb kababayans starve BACK HOME than because there aren’t any jobs the elites can offer than the foreigners who actually HAVE opportunities for them and in some specialized cases, to GROW into their career. And let alone trying to get a nation in solidarity of different mixed ethnicities without making backhanded slurs about their culture. And so Phlippines LOVES idiots like you who can be easily manipulated to tell whom to hate and whom to love by a simple whim.
“Our government must be decided by our decent citizens, not rebels and filipinos that do not even live here.”
Lies. When did you see a ‘decent’ Filipino citizen? No one. To correct you, the government was decided by IDIOT citizens. Yes, those IDIOT citizens vote for incompetent leaders. The people you call ‘rebels’ and ‘Filipinos that don’t live here’ are more smarter than you ever want to be. You and your fellow sychophants will just want to continue to cycle of mediocrity.
Sorry, but that’s 100% TRUTH. Pilipino ka nga, pero kakahiya dahil sinisira mo talaga ang sarili mong bansa. Gago. -_-
Don’t feed the members of this site. The more you reply to them, the more you is feeding these trolls. The greatest insult to these ADD kiddies is to ignore them.
Who cares whatt hey are, any folk that think people are cattle and try to impose their own ideology on others with insults and smack talk like get real post are trolls and a waste of oxygen.
Ignore their smack talk and they get upset = win
@Wintersoldier When you call the voting majority our country “idiot citizens” it does not help your cause.
You seem to think you and your friends by posting drivel here that you are smarter than most of your countrymen.
Keep hiding and ranting on this site, I’m sure you lot will never have any influence in the real world because if you carried your behavior and comments over, I’m sure you lot would be mobbed by your “idiot countrymen” if you ever landed in jail, you would probably hang yourself out of fear because there is no internet to hide upon.
No respect for filipinos that are slaves to foreign powers and call our countrymen idiots. Get a life!
“This site is in league with the rebels in PI, their common goal is to incite unrest and u[r]surp power for themselves or their affiliates.”
You must be joking, right?
@Tom: Sorry, but you’re a total point misser. You’re like the idiots whose weapon of choice is sheer ignorance and blatant idiocy.
@Disgusted:
I am totally DISGUSTED on your comment. It speaks more on the typical Pinoy mentality that you’re showing.
And yes, that’s REALITY. Because when someone criticizes Filipinos, they will see as an insult to their intelligence. So ignorance reeks. They will just reply with EMOTIONS instead of using their brains. Truth is that the voting majority is composed of uninformed masses who can easily be swayed by politicians. Oh and the rotten system as well.
“Keep hiding and ranting on this site, I’m sure you lot will never have any influence in the real world because if you carried your behavior and comments over, I’m sure you lot would be mobbed by your “idiot countrymen” if you ever landed in jail, you would probably hang yourself out of fear because there is no internet to hide upon.”
Keep hiding and TROLLING on this site because you can’t even admit that you’re butthurt and instead of putting up a good discussion, your sheer idiocy and ignorance is your weapon. You’re just living in a fantasy land since you prefer this government which is whored by media that tells you that everything is ok, right?
“No respect for filipinos that are slaves to foreign powers and call our countrymen idiots. Get a life!”
And I have no respect and I’m pitiful for Filipinos like you who can be easily manipulated and chose to be slaves to mediocrity live in delusions instead. Get a life? Nah, enjoy destroying the Philippines, emo prick. -_-
But you know what’s funny Sea Bee Mary Grace and Kris? It’s the way the national government handle the disaster like they are so helpless and incapable, but in actuality are capable to do it but are lazy to execute because they are lazy. I’m making fun at the system of relief efforts, not the victims. I’m making jokes about stupid personalities that shows signs of stupidity and INSENSITIVITY despite the desolation. And yes, I’m making fun out of the government’s incompetence to do their jobs. Like I said, “Humorous moments can be found in unexpected chances”.
You should hone your comprehension sometime. If you find GRP’s articles as “arrogant”, “distasteful” and “full of negativity”, you should clean your eyes and open your minds. Clearly, the sound of butthurt and the feeling of “napapahiya” because of Peenoy Pride is resonating here in the thread
They’re probably members of the “Yellow Ribbon Propaganda,” the type that would feel butthurt to the “real truth.”
@Free Thinker
I consider myself an OFW. So, all the
OFW in the Middle East and anywhere else in the world are not Filipinos? They sold themselves also to the Petro Dollars and to the host nations, where they earn their livings? It is we, OFWs, who float the Philippine economy.
What kind ,of logic, you have is a YellowTard logic. We pay our taxes, which Aquino and his minions steals and live on it.
Go on idiot, think that way…and we will not pay our taxes. Let you and your master sink to bankruptcy…
Where is AMALAYER?
One thing this country has in abundance is memorable gaffes. Specially by elected officials and showbiz personalities which are one and the same,
ahm, amalyer is so 2012. the author limited his/her scope to 2013.
Make it a HIS, dear sir 😀
The only solution for despair is to change the situation. Fuck the Philippines and the corrupt forces that hold us honest folk down.
Mag-migrate na lang tayo. Let us leave this stinking, sinking ship.
Good thing you flip gooks live on those islands far far away, hop on a boat to Australia then… America does not want any more flipinos, too many of you dirty ratfuckers stealing our jobs and raping our women already.
Even your little brown fucking machines should stay in the PI, we will cum for you when we want your $5 bitches but don’t come here and stink up our backyards.
I served in your country before, your country is all thieves and beggars or whores.
To those here that wanna promote democracy in the phils, forget it, let the gooks steal and rob each other, doesn’t matter if it’s Aquinos or GRP rebels, it’s in their culture, robbing and stealing and corruption is in their blood.
@Mick Jones:
That’s telling them;the YellowTards…Boy…
Guys, easy lang. Comedy is tragedy plus time. The tragedy here is mostly referring to our government for its lack of competence and humility. It’s not really making fun to the dead ones.
Tell that to @Mary Grace. Seriously, when it comes to satire…many Filipinos don’t have sense of humor because it’s about the truth. They would rather live in a delusion where everything is alright, no matter how crappy the government is.
It’s funny that I’m seeing a lot of people who get butthurt to the reality of the situation here in this country.
BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! the good people over at the I.C.C. got a good look at the maniac they almost hired (Miriam Santiago) and became instant amnesiacs…and forgot they hired her!
Seriously though? HA, they would have kicked her to the curb as soon as they saw her real attributes in person. It is not hard to see them as the Lady/Orangutang is aging badly and her mental illness is no longer suppressed by glia cells that have long since lost their collective ability to mask her obvious brain disorders.
Why do you ppl like calling other pp trollz? Your articles are trollbait which makes yourselves trolls also.
I’ve told my mate to stop liking your articles, I don’t want this trash spamming my fb. 3 minutes of my life zi’ll never get back.
Ppl wit online pitchforks are gutless morons.
Honestly speaking, trolls prefer EMOTIONS than discussions.
Your point?
“Your articles are trollbait which makes yourselves trolls also.”
Huh? Since when does someone telling the truth becomes trolling?
The irony is that your post is actual trollbait, with your spelling alone.
@Tom
So you think telling the truth is trolling?
Wow, your logic is severely flawed.
Unsurprisingly, your attempt to sound intellectual has failed you big time since you are not an intellectual, you are just a troll desperately trying to sound intellectual.
Telling me to get a life on the internet on the other hand will only backfire spectacularly because I’m a GAMER, I have MANY lives.
Like WinterSoldier says, trolls prefer Emotions than discussions and you fall in that category of being a troll.
Of course, you won’t reply to me either because everything I’ve said is 100% true.
If you do reply then that means that you’re only trolling.
@ Mick Jones
Listen, my guess is you are a young stupid Filipino working at Walmart and living with your parents. Why do I know that? Your use of the word “ALREADY” to end a sentence is typical among young uneducated Filipinos in America. Very bad grammar. Do you hear me? The word “gook” was the word used by Americans to insult Filipinos.
Get some education young man, nobody needs your stupid opinion.
Happy three Kings to all !!!