Love is in the air. It’s that time of the year again! In less than two weeks, you will either be out in full bloom with your special someone soaking up the festive air of Valentine’s Day or sitting in your living room stewing over the evil “consumerism” of that Day of Hearts. Either way (whether you embrace or shun VD), you will be under the spell of that special day when tectonic plates underneath motels around the Metro will be moving to the rhythm of the ocean.
Where do I fit in this equation? Well, somewhere in between… which is always a good place to be. I’m not gonna go into details of how many guys I dated over the last 12 months but suffice to say, each one knows who they are, and who the others are. That’s right, I may not be “exclusive” right now but I do date — and the dates I go on are not VD-style dates. We actually do stuff on dates. Movie dates, for example, are my favorite kind of date — the kind where you just get dinner over with and catch the Last Full Show. If the movie was interesting enough to both of us, then a couple of drinks or a latte at a boutique coffee shop will serve as a great venue to debrief ourselves about what we learned or took away from the film.
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I guess, the guys in my life vary while the dates remain consistent. It is the boys who are the variable for now. The nature of the dates remain the constants here. Jun Jun likes sci fi. So he was available to see Prometheus with me at the right time and the right place some months back. He’s a difficult guy to nail down because he’s in a hotel room in Singapore at least two weekend nights in every month. Even then, he’s more of a popcorn movie guy than, say, Edgar who could sit through a film like Before Sunrise (which features Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy talking non-stop from beginning to end). Edgar lives in the building next to mine and has a pretty decent TV. And because the movies I enjoy seeing with him have a bit more talk than, say Prometheus, his 32-inch LED screen more than sufficed to take in Bernie on DVD last week after a quick Vietnamese noodle soup dinner.
(Note that names mentioned in this article are not real)
Where am I going with this? Well, hopefully towards the idea that an interesting date really involves having fun on the basis of your idea of having fun which, you hope (as your date progresses), is shared by your date. That’s the whole point of dates, right? They are testing environments for yours and the other party’s ability to get along and how much of your nature you are willing to change to achieve that. Obviously the key variable here is the latter. How much of yourself are you willing to stretch for a guy you like? In my personal case, not much — yet. Then again, who am I to presume to think of those movie outings (and stay-at-home DVD nights) as real “dates”. Perhaps the other party in those cases harbor different ideas to my definition of what constitutes a “date”. Tough luck for me. Better yet, tough luck for them.
And that brings us to the whole idea behind VD. Valentine’s Day presumes to tell you what the ideal “date” is like, much less what the ideal way to express love is and when to express it in an “extra-special” way. Just some food for thought.
Frustrated artist doing geek for a living.
Good one.
Actually, I’m looking forward to Valentine’s Day this year for, I think, the first time ever – my beloved does not take the thing at all seriously, any more than I do, and she has promised to take us (she is in charge) to something suitably outrageous…
Hmmm… sounds like it’s gonna be a yummy date… 😉
Hi Kate and all others,
as far as I know VD is not such an hype here. In most cases it doesnt get any further than sending a VD card and thats it.
I actually always thought that VD was about a “secret lover” who should send the other one a card without mentioning the real person’s name. Hence the “secret lover/admirer”.
Restaurants and other companies do not really market VD in my country. Only the postal service/mail company wants/encourages us to send VD cards.
The outlines are becoming clearer – I think it will be an anti-Valentine’s Night – it is going to start with “Dinner with my parents” and I would not be too surprised if the rest of the evening is just as un-Valentine-ish in a different and opposite way…
@Andrew, why worry then. You have the rest of the 364 days in the year to have a proper VD date. 😉
Very true, Kate! I will await the event with interest, enjoy whatever my beloved has in store for me and, since I am still head over heels in love with her, I shall enjoy the rest of the year anyway!
Why not invite the guy to your home and talk about how to solve all Phili problems while eating a pizza, drinking coffee/wine or something stronger.
Watching a movie (in cinema or at home) is a waste of each other’s time.
VD is an over-exagerated phenomenon.
If solving Phili problems is a too serious subject for a VD day then just talk about how you both see the future as a prospect possible couple. After a few hours you will know exactly where he stands on that topic.
How romantic…not!!
There should still be time for dinner dates and movie dates. Life mustn’t be always serious..there’s time enough for that. But anyway, I can see why your suggestions are helpful.
^^Just kidding above, but it sounded aggressive when I read back!
I only said it bec I know how Filipinos come about how to get a partner: its “dating & courting”. Unless of course what I read in Wikipedia is outdated.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtship_in_the_Philippines
We Dutch are more relaxed about such events. Plus maybe a big or biggest difference (compared to the Philippines) is that most people here will start (after the “dating”) with living together (unmarried) bec that is the only way to really find out how and who the other person really is.
“^^Just kidding above, but it sounded aggressive when I read back!”
No offense. It may not look very romantic but at least you will get to know the other party pretty fast. If the other party shows his true face of course. Will I show my true face during dating? I will never lie but I am sure I wont show you the back side of my tongue (thats just an expression here).
Well, some people have dinner, stare into each other’s eyes across the table, canoodle, make out and drive to Manila Bay to watch the sunrise come up behind them to check off items in the Romantic Date Checklist issued by SM and Ayala Malls every year. Who’s to say you can’t discuss Philippine issues while doing all that? 😛
Now where can I find that professional submitter who I can horsewhip and ride cowboy till daybreak (evil grin)? 😛
Probably offering Fifty Shades of Porn for the Porn God, as I would call the trilogy.
feb 13 is valenswines day – when married men take out their mistress, so if husband is unavailable/working late that day – high chance he is… having fun
Good one – I’m going to steal that! 😉
Lol! I might do some research then; find out if all the motels make more money on the 13th? or on the 14th? Makes sense though. Legitimate couples have a legit place to go whereas motels are where the, ehem, under-the-table couples go… :p
Where do all the call center romances go though? I’d imagine that scene is where the market for all the ‘legit’ couples who don’t have shag pads really is….
Then I am part of a illegitimate couple. I like that status. A couple but illegitimate. Sounds pretty good to me.
i can only speak about UK, where i have restaurant.
infidelity was good for business.
couples at lunchtime ( esp if 14th on weekday ) not married.
dinner time usually were.
some guys attended lunch and dinner with different partners – risky! (2nd time today sir!), but my staff are discreet.
the mistress always got the expensive champagne – the wife didn’t
and there is a correlation between total spend, attractiveness of girl, and age gap, and the more guilty the bigger tge tip – happy waiters
Years ago, as younger and more innocent man working for a big company in Hong Kong I was told to take our visiting Malaysian business partner, a datu whad been to a good English public school, shopping.
This was easy; he headed straight for the nearest jewellers and bought three necklaces, all somewhat similar.
He explained “When I get home, both my wives will expect something. I’ll offer the choice of two to my senior wife – her face will be made, and she will be happy. Then I’ll offer the remaining two to my junior wife – she will think she is getting first dibs and she will be happy.
“I’m sure you have already noticed that I bought three – the third is for my mistress – that one represents value for money!”
Some legitimate couples need somewhere to get away from the Philippines Mode of Contraception (the children sharing the parental bed!)
I understand why some girls need to date around to find “perfect” guy for them. But am not comfortable with this, I found that guys seem to get serious about me very quickly so I would rather avoid the drama that comes with it.
In my whole life, I went out with two different suitors like once and twice each respectively. The third guy I dated is now my bf. Relationship is an aspect of my life that I take seriously.. you can have fun by having hobbies, travelling, hanging out with friends, etc. But with a relationship, it’s a commitment in my view. This perspective is not for everyone but I hope it will work for me in the long-term.
The important point here is you do not let anyone tell you how you should manage your relationship and how to “have fun” on your dates — not your friends and certainly not any one of those Valentines ads that infest every space of your life in the days leading up to the 14th. I agree, relationships are very personal, and all up to you. 🙂
Taking advice on a relationship…
Being a conscientious foreigner, I performed mano po to The Ancestors on first introduction, and, having got that right I read up on the subject and, when the time came, stated my willingness to comply with the traditions of paninilbihan, including pagsibak ng kahoy, pag-igib ng tubig and arranging the traditional bride price of carabao and pigs.
I was politely but firmly informed that
(a) we have electricity (most days)
(b) water comes out of the tap (ditto)
and
(c) carabao and pigs would make an awful mess in a quiet suburban street…;)
“(b) water comes out of the tap (ditto)” =>
is that both hot and cold running water or only cold (or luke warm)?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2274123/Transition-long-term-relationship-takes-22-meals-holidays–3-000-gifts-major-arguments.html
In love? Transition to long-term relationship takes ’22 meals out, two holidays, £3,000 in gifts and several major arguments’
It’s NOT necessarily cheaper in the Philippines! 😉
Are you sure? GBP3000 is a lot and with the cost of living in the Philippines being lower, I cant think of getting close to that 3000. Unless you wine and dine haute cuisine every day.
No michelin restaurants in philippines, but balut and durian works wonders, combined with the possibility of a visa.
10GBP plus jeepney fare, but give a false phone number!
Even cheaper in holland – just date your brother or sister.
You really need Balut to keep IT up? What a shame!
as if.
never touched the stuff.
but the locals enjoy it.
level of cuisine is on a par with holland – cheese sandwich and a glass of milk. i remember being served that one lunchtime in the canteen of a company we were buying. fortunately we established the new regional office in brussels and never had to endure that again.
Libertas,
We probably chose the wrong restaurant, wrong menu or it were my taste butts. But I find & found the local food to be tasteless. Not Yukki, but tasteless. Pls give me some more spicey food.
Oh man I have been away from the dating scene much too long. Heck, even at a glance of the term “VD†makes me uneasy because back in my days it meant Venereal Disease. 😀 hahaha
Well it is difficult to have a Valentine’s Day date especially if you have kids who can’t be left alone yet. Even on rare occasions when my wife and I manage to sneak out from the kids (with the help of grandma), we always tend to cut the date short because we start to miss our little ones. So often times Valentine’s Day dates become pretty much just another Family Day for us. So for you folks out there who don’t have kids yet… enjoy your romantic Valentine’s Day dates as much as you can! 🙂
Hector,
among other reasons, that is exactly one of the reasons why I dont wnat to have kids. It limits your movements, it limits your freedom. Am I (too) selfish now?
Hi Bob,
Well, people have their reasons for not wanting to have kids. That’s fine and dandy. Is your reason a selfish reason? Perhaps. But selfishness isn’t bad per se. I am with the Ayn Rand school of thought when it comes to the virtues of selfishness. 🙂
Now with regards to my situation with my wife… well… if we wanted to we could actually go out on longer dates as we can get the kids’ grandparents (both her side and my side) to babysit for us. But it just happens to be our choice not to be apart from the kids too long because we start to miss them. Maybe when they are all teenagers then the story will change. The teenaged kids would probably prefer that their parents would leave them alone. 🙂 hehehe
Cheers!
I dont hope the grandparent will get a feeling of guilt everytime the two of you return after just an hour. Next time when you ask your parents to babysit they may say no because you always return after 30 or 60 mins.
Personally, I don’t mind having kids of my own. This society could do well with intellectuals getting it on and raising their progeny.
Great, now I (a 21-year-old college student) wish I could settle down and raise a family of my own. Too bad I’m not yet ready for all that. 😛