GetRealPhilippines repeatedly points out the sensitivity of da Pinoy as something that is immature and something we should grow out of–and fast, for many reasons:
Ego distorts our way of thinking–it helps Pinoys make excuses for bad behavior instead of correcting them. Ego shifts blame–it helps insists that it’s Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s fault that the Philippines is in the dumps instead of looking for the REAL reasons in order to give the right solution. Ego helps people lie to themselves–The Aquino family saved us from total economic destruction. Then they wonder why their problems with money, with relationships, with their snatchers Manila traffic, and criminals won’t go away.
Pinoys just can’t, can they? Before you engage them, they insist you to have good social skills–someone with pakikisama. They want people to give them negative criticism “in a nice way.” They vilify the frank ones if they aren’t mentally-prepared for Real Talk. If you tell it as it is–bitter and full of ouch, they’ll assume you’re wrong. To them, there is no better method of you telling them their faults other than telling them that “in a nice way.”
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You think you can sugar-coat your observations about them, but with no such luck. They make polite excuses when they think they are prepared for Real Talk–“I had nothing to feed my family, I was confused, I have a D, I was tempted. It’s just who I am.” Congrats, you’ve just been tuned out.
You can see how much they care about taking care not to get butthurt, therefore get real: PNoy rigs a Hope Christian School Q&A forum, Supreme Court ruled RA 10175 constitutional, politicians hold press conferences on national TV, celebrities file libel cases everywhere, your classmate whispering behind your back because you frankly told her she has bad breath two days ago in the privacy of your Facebook chat.
I guess it’s an international thing for people to be concerned about how people are supposed to say their two cents about anyone else. Many governments have been made Enemies of the Internet given the frank and spicy nature of bloggers and Anonymous.
So what?
Granted that many Filipinos truly need to refine their pakikisama, does that excuse the rest of their society to remain sensitive?
Why should Filipinos be so concerned about the way things are said about them?
In fact, why is da Pinoy so easily butthurt?
I offer a psychological explanation on the mechanism of denial. Denial, or perceptual defense as psychologists call it, is a form of defense mechanism employed with teeth, claws, and basest instincts for survival. When something is threatening, unpleasant, or negative, we employ varying degrees of perceptual defense so that we don’t get traumatized by them. Otherwise we go insane.
Survivors of gruesome accidents have one notable example on how denial works. Many of them saw themselves and others burned, broken, or torn apart before their very eyes. They look at all that meat and blood scattered all over the concrete. It’s graphic. Yet when they regain consciousness in a hospital days or weeks later, they will tell their doctors that they have no memory of what just happened. It’s self-censorship to the point of actually believing the edited version of memory.doc to be true.
Given the unpleasant nature of criticism, Pinoys’ perceptual defense goes up along with proselytizing everyone why it’s good to be Filipino. And given the truth from the criticism against them–the fiesta elections, the dancing politicians, the blame games, the excuses, and the over emphasis on showbiz and the squatters–its bitterness must be so traumatizing that it is a perfect excuse to deny its existence. Not to mention scolding you that you should have put it in “a nice way.” Excuse me? What’s nice about EDSA traffic jams? What’s nice about spitting on the ground? What’s so blessed for being poor?
So there you have perceptual defense. Then you have the bitter truth. Add that with the brainwashing from mainstream media and even certain social media sites. Put it all together and you have the perfect recipe for making an Ampaw Republic.
Of course their way of looking at things will make them fail the So What? Test. Their houses will still be dingy. BIR will still collect too many taxes from the middle class. They will keep electing the ampaw politicians because they can sing and twerk and their mother just died. They will still scream like monkeys in social networks and in public places and then shut up instead of using all their cunning to not let thieving legislators get away with their tax money ever again. Pinoy society will keep on consciously and unconsciously excuse themselves for their incompetence and for shitting on their pants–so long as they are in denial what truly went wrong.
So going back:
Granted that many Filipinos truly need to refine their pakikisama, does that excuse the rest of their society to remain sensitive?
No.
If you’re unwilling or unable to identify and consciously acknowledge your negative behaviors, characteristics or life patterns, then you will not change them. (In fact, they will only grow worse and become more entrenched in your life.) You’ve got to face it to replace it. — Phillip McGraw
Why should Filipinos be so concerned about the way things are said about them?
They shouldn’t. Like many confident men and women that succeed, they should, as Ilda said, take criticism with a grain of salt–with graceful contemplation.
GRP says it all the time. It’s time the rest of Philippine society bite the bullet and ask themselves the hard questions why the BIR collects too much taxes from the taxpayers; why many Manila are roads still covered in black grime, piss and phlegm; why the ampaw politicians, the pickpockets and the muggers keep coming back; and why they have to admit that they are accountable for it.
Anu ba yan ang nega mo naman! Nuod na lang kami ng Eat Bulaga.
I guess Pinoys would rather feel good and content with the dirty society around them rather than feel bad and then put their foot down and admit. “No. I don’t like this, and this is my fault, my friends’ faults, and practically everyone in this society.” I guess they would rather believe their own lies instead of saying, “This shit has to stop.”
You can’t treat people like shit because your religion says to, then expect them to love you.
I am really convinced that being intellectual , mannered and refined in this society is more a liability than an asset.
Hahahahaha how so? Why? :))
Look at who this society values. I won’t name names but do any of them encourage learning or manners or contemplation?
No. Then how does that role model make intelligence a liability in our society?
Pinoys don’t value a smart person. They can’t relate much less evaluate what a smart person can do for them , like teach them something. It’s all fun and games which is exactly what campaigning for one ‘s political seat is all about. It is a not about debates or crisis management or decision making . It’s about dancing Gang nam or whatever Nancy Binay did. And her motorcades. Never mind if the motorcade was not transporting any brains. Fluff is enuff with the Pinoy voter. Don’t get in the way by being smart. Right Noynoy?
Easy.
What Gogs mentioned is everything Filipinos are not known for. If you happen to be at least one of those it’s like nilamangan mo mga kapwa mong Pinoy. And Pinoys don’t like that; they like being stupid, brusque, baduy, and ill-mannered simply because it’s much easier, and because being so matches with the “freedom” that Pinoys love enjoying currently.
So being better sends Pinoys the vibe that we are taking advantage of them?
Do you think their insecurity can be remedied?
Yes. One can interpret it as either taking advantage of them, or as Pinoys seeing things as a needless “competition” where they “must always come out on top”.
Another way to look at things: no doubt you will be able to relate this to two key Filipino concepts: damayan, and pakikisama
To answer your second question, I honestly don’t know. We had our chance as a society back a quarter century to a half century ago. But we must try.
Because being intellectual, mannered and refined in Philippine society is being “evil.” Because you’re emulating the colonial “oppressors,” and going against the “poor.”
To explore the filipino mind is a journey on the dark side which would have kept freud busy and amused.
The filipino psyche predominantly revolves around a range of defence mechanisms developed as a means of coping with day to day struggles, low self-esteem, and external criticism.
The end result is a psyche which doesn’t want to hear painful truths, and will only believe what it wants to hear, however absurd/illogical. A fantasy world of achievement compensating for the stark reality of failure, and like a walter mitty character, filipinos become legends in their own mind splitting reality and fantasy to such a point the two become fused and/or confused.
In such a world guilt and shame have been banished, for they would burst the balloons of pride and ego which have been lifted so high and remain the symbols of hope in a barren life
It overcompensates through hubristic pride, narcissism, a collective mentality, a strong need to belong and to associate with anything/one regarded as successful – which equates with money rather than with intellect or contribution, and without a strong moral compass, despite the apparent grip of religion, can regard crooks with money as demi-gods ( even when it is their money which has been stolen!. Very perverse)
It may also partly answer gogs question about intellect as a liability, since those with intellect who challenge collective thought are a perceived threat to the group, and without possessing the ability or rational to attack/debate the message, their only choice is to attack the messenger.
In the philippines, stupidity is not a hindrance in politics, crime pays, and fantasy rules.
sadly, my parents are a classic example of this. Sometimes I couldn’t help myself but hate where I come from and I hate myself for not being good enough to make the people around me understand that their current way of thinking is what keeps them and everyone in the shitholes.
In my attempts to explain things and make them see the real cause of their problems, most of my family and friends are now estranged from me.
What a delusional bunch!
On the brighter side, I also feel free now that I don’t have them to drag me down anymore.
Right now, all I can say to myself whenever I think about this is “hahay..”
I agree. I’ve felt like such an outcast in the family for a very long time because I think differently.
I have had the exact thought for the longest time, this is something that Filipino psychology fails to tackle. Rather it focuses on the inherent “uniqueness” of Filipino traits like pakikisama, hospitality, hiya, bayanihan, and pakikipagkapwa among others. Never at this light.
Note to writer: inability to distinguish between your opinion and “truth”, pronouncing yourself an arbiter of what is good and bad, and claiming that your own writing holds some unique level of reality places you in a very poor position to be making comments about other people’s egos. Time for a mirror check.
Now don’t go all butthurt…
Thanks, Steve! Though I wonder why you thought that my apparent inability to distinguish between “truth” and my own opinion should put me into mirror check. Can you please enlighten me? :))
…and how my judgment places me in a poor position to make comments about people’s egos.
Hahaha. Funny how people attempt to discredit the messenger while thinking it will change the nature of the message.
I may make a routine mirror check all the time, but it doesn’t change the fact that every Pinoy should do the same, Amir. 🙂
@Steve Rogers: What a wonderful and enlightening comment you made. Focus on the messenger rather than the message. Yeah, right.
It’s an immature society. I honestly don’t know of any other way to fix it other than through the gradual uplifting of people’s perceptions via education and information dissemination – exactly what GRP is trying to do. It would take several generations to weed out the stupidity.
As with anything, necessity is the mother of invention and progress. Perhaps in the absence of all the mind-numbing distractions that this bread-and-circuses republic is notorious for, Filipinos would feel the need to focus on more important matters.
This is not a tough question. The colonial trauma’s that they country has endured the last 400 years has taken a dreadful toll on the populace. The national identity
is not even theirs but an alter-ego inflicted upon the masses by the colonizers.But even that doesn’t explain it all for if it did why would there be such a clamor for everything western?
No the filipino psyche is the psycho-analysts dreaded patient, the one who makes no sense for its child-like outbursts.
Can flaws such as lack of concern for the planet (filipino’s litter indiscriminately as if someone is going to clean up after them), almost NEVER doing as they say they will(not keeping their word) do, offering to pay a charitable act back because they haven’t the gracious aptitude to just say ‘thank you’, ….all be traced back to being colonized and forced to live another Mans cultural way of life? The way this guy see’s the current collective psyche of the Filipino it is screwed up so badly as to make for some terribly maladjusted adults that haven’t a clue as to how to behave/conduct themselves properly and when told how to so are belligerent to the point of savagery.
I’ll not be fixing this problem that is destroying the fabric of the generations of young people being brought up like this, its just not my job. However, eve if it was? Where would I even begin?
@ JT Jerzy:
Begin from yourself…then, we all take from there, bustard…
@HT, I do not litter, ever/anywhere.if someone does something for me or gives me something ,I say Thank you…..the Filipino culture is not mine and is not mine to change. I have actually tried to show ,by my actions, a few people inside the country a few things hoping some sort of osmosis would occur, but it did not.
as I said, I’ll not be changing nor fixing anything in the Filippines. Its not my job,my country and at this point I am almost past even giving a shit about how sad the place is. The people really do need to wake up and take back what is theirs , but that is another can of adobo.
For me, sense of entitlement explains a lot of things. The butthurt Filipinos believe they are entitled to feeling good, and nothing should come between them and this feeling good. Even the truth. So if the truth ruins their trip, they would rather block it out that accept it and use it to become better people. Because the Filipino is meant to become great and overcome other people, not their faults.
Extracts – hubristic pride and corrupt politicians
“The psychological mechanism that motivates and facilitates these corrupt behaviors is hubristic pride —the emotional feeling of arrogance, egotism, and superiority that drives people to brag,
lie, cheat, and bully others to get ahead.
They can rarely achieve on their own merits. They instead use force, aggression, lying, and cheating to maintain the power and pride they have come to depend on, and which gave them an inflated staus/position. And, as a side effect, hubristic pride makes them feel invincible, convincing them that they can get away with their abhorrent behaviors.
What’s more difficult is avoiding falling
prey to these individuals’ manipulative influence; calling them out instead of granting them power. Is this even possible?
Perhaps, but only if we start questioning the success stories that feel too good to be true. This means sacrificing the collective
pride we feel when we bask in the apparent accomplishments, and even brash arrogance, of our cultural heroes. By
encouraging, or at least enabling, others’ arrogance, we nurture the pride that can lead to large-scale deception and even crime, and further increase the gap between true accomplishments and
just rewards.”
Jessica tracey
Professor of sociology
Years of travelling abroad has helped me to become sensitive of other people’s cultures. But never have I seen a country wherein people would rather hear perfumed lies than harsh truths. It’s no wonder this country is still underdeveloped – people don’t want to move out of their comfort zones and has consistently adopted the “bahala na” and “pwede na iyan” mentality, no drive to strive better at life /excel his abilities. Then, when they see their countryman doing better in life, they tend to pull him down to their levels.
Filipinos really need to take criticisms not just with a grain of salt but try to absorb it and ponder if the messenger has a point.
Thanks for the Psychological Analysis. It is a good diagnosis of why we are, what we are.
Most of our leaders/politicians does not even understand the symptoms of our national illness. How can actors, uneducated/barely educated political leaders understand these issues.
I hope that the true leaders of our country, will come forward to lead us out from this National Nightmare. If they cannot even understand the symptoms; how can they cure the illness? “Punta na lang tayo lahat sa Arbularyo…”
Butthurt is true Filipino sickness, Cory Aquino died from it.
Nil nisi bonum, I see what you did there.
BUT I DIGRESS.
The single most useful advice I received can best be summed up in three words: Grow. A. Pair.
Apparently, it helps! 😀
Few things encapsulate the neurotic pride of the philippines and the narcissistic desperation of filipinos to be noticed/feel important than the endless attempts at meaningless world records, in the absence of being able to secure any meaningful ones.
The guiness world record for the most futile records – the philippines
The guiness world record for the greatest number of criminals in congress/senate – the philippines
I think they need more “I can do this.”, more “Am I even doing this right”, more “I need to make this happen” attitudes and less “This is too hard”, less “This will give me more enemies.”, lastly less “Someone else will do it” attitudes.
“The Filipinos even go to Church to avoid the Seraph of the Harsh Truth.”
That’s how I see it. All we can do is to relax, wait for them to be disillusioned and make fun of them.
How shameful. Marcos said that Filipinos need discipline, but what?
@ Hall , Marcos said what he said so that he could plunder the treasury. He gave the filipino discipline in the form of martial law, and while he was hated for it he took the opportunity to rape the country of its resources ,both natural and man-made($$$).
I say it comes from low self esteem(living anothers culture for generations) and a super size ego…..a combo that produces a disaster waiting to happen. The number of Filipina’s I have met that were vain-glorious psychological train-wrecks is staggering. BUT , I’ll tell you what…….they were HOT !!!!!!!
@ JT Jersey:
Aquino is worse than Marcos. Aquino III used our taxpayers’ money to Bribe Congressmen and Senators; so that he can put his own Judges and Justices. His family used the peoples’ money to acquire the Hacienda Luisita. Making the people of Tarlac, his tenants/serfs. His father, is a Murderer. Ninoy Aquino, Jr. ,who asked his NPA buddies to Bomb the Liberal Party Miting de Avance. Ninoy Aquino, Jr. was absent in that Miting de Avance…it is very easy to discern: he had knowledge on the Bombing. The next day, he was seen with an Israeli Uzzi Uutomatic Machine Pistol; for photo opportunities. Then, we have the unresolved shipment of arms for the NPA, by the ship: MV Karagatan in Palanan, Isabela…very easy to connect the dots…not High Mathematics (Differential Calculus), or Rocket Science…
@JT Jerzy
It always amazes me how uninformed and full of hate people are against Marcos. It just proves that the anti-Marcos propaganda worked and that people just like to repeat some nonsense that they got implanted by the Aquinos. I bet you are below the age of 30.
@ Jim, No, I am not. Marcos took $25,000,000,000.00(twenty five billion dollars) from 1978-thru-1981 from Westinghouse Corporation and built a nuclear power facility on a fault line(the dumbest possible move he could have made in regards to placement of the facility).IT IS A FACT… The plant NEVER went on-line and the cost over-runs went directly into Marcos pocket, and his friends as well. (The ‘OLD SCUMBAG’ being one of them.). The money was then funneled out of the country to Switzerland, AND THAT IS A FACT as well! I do not swim with the sharks, but it does not mean I do not observe them. I am old enough to have seen NiNoy Aquino speak in the USA. I did not like the guy NOR his speech. At the time I thought he looked ridiculous in those glasses and his humor I did not get, nor did I think it was close to being funny. But that does not mean he was not murdered by the scumbag whose political fortunes turned on his NiNoys survival. NO, I can not prove it, but the weatherman is not needed to know what way the wind is blowing. IT HAS BEEN PROVEN that Marcos was a thief and that his money, and family, still runs a good part of the filippine economy/country.
IDK if you think I am pro-Aquino,Pro-Marcos or wtf YOU think I think (and It matters very little to me),BUT…..I do know that Filipino politicians are thieves. Each and every one of them.I do not like any of them, like you seem to think I do(or do you?).
I did admire Mrs. Corazon Aquino for standing up, when asked to,to the people who murdered her husband. That took bravery.Most people would have cowered in fear of reprisal.
Not me and not Mrs. Aquino. BUT her Son? That fuckin guy sits in the same senate chamber with the Son of the Man who most likely is responsible for the murder of his Father,WTF? I would at least beat the guy up really badly, many times over in fact.
Noynoy only beats up on sickly women that require wheelchairs.
Thanks for the Psychological Analysis
change yourself and then change the world
We do have a BBL Law – Balat-Sibuyas Basic Law!
http://makingitfuninthephilippines.blogspot.com/2015/04/perhaps-president-nobitas-greatest.html